Purify.

After days of meditating, it is abundantly clear what is left from my past. The abuse is circulating through my brain. Appearing in my dreams and random actions throughout the day. I can sense the ptsd mind. But I know with meditation, dedication, and sincere concern for my own well being, I can kick it. Yesterday was an amazing one hour session. When I got up from the cushion to walk outside, it was the first time I had a very strong sense of duality. I could sense my mind changing gears as if it were going into a different universe where I would need an entirely different set of skills. Society is so strange. Mind boggling.

^^
The above was from a few days ago. !

Today was THE day. Every day is. There were too many synchronicities today for me to not be outrageously optimistic and open to receive what the world has in store. Starting with the most conspicuous...Walking down the aisle at work, I told myself I would pick up a book, flip open the page, and I would find a message. For some time now, I have been mentally preparing to move to Colorado to pursue grad school. For some time now, it's been heavy on my mind, starting to feel closer to ready. I reached into the cubby without looking and felt a national park guide book. I was kind of disappointed, hoping to pull essentially a philosophy book. I put the park book back and almost walked away. I stopped and remembered something directed me to that spot. There was energy there. I grabbed the book and thought, it's going to open to Colorado. I cracked the book spine and read the words, "Bison trail". Excitedly I didn't think it could be. I flipped the page back to see where Bison Trail was located. Rocky Mountain State Park. no fucking way. My life is changing in a big way. Or at least being re-directed. One other synchronicity worth mentioning happened when I got home from work. I wrote the word purify on my desktop. During my meditation today, I tried a guided meditation. During the peak of sit, she was talking about surrendering to the universe. I felt tension and almost asked for something. When she said purify. It's a common word in meditation, but the timing made it feel so meaningful. Life is almost a scavenger hunt sometimes.